Love In Suicide
by Breathe Zenka
Summary: What happens when Eggman stumbles upon an old suicide note written by his oldest enemy? What if he had the absolute power to go back in time and stop his enemy from murdering himself? Join Eggman as he travels back 30 years just mere days before his enemy's suicide. M for sexual aspects, cursing, and other scenes. Contains Sonic X Eggman, some Sonic X Sally, and Sally X Monkey Khan
1. Prologue : Remembering

**Prologue**

Eggman was just finishing up another of his robots, sighing with boredom. There was absolutely no reason as to why he was building them, since it was years since his last fight. Now, he's old and in his late 70's, alone. He had never got the chance to love, to experience pleasure, or to ever have a close friend. He never had a family or someone to look after him.

Soon after he retired from old age, and loss, no one bothered him. No one came to see him or ask him how he was doing, and no one ever wanted to know if he was alive. Sometimes he would cry himself to sleep from loneliness. Depression was always clawing into his mind and many thoughts of suicide occurred to him, but whenever he thought of it, he would automatically push it away. He would never take his life like an old nemesis once did so long ago.

**BANG**

Eggman looked behind him to see a drawer falling from his cabinet. Briskly, he walked over to it and picked it up, grunting as his back was in pain from old age. Just as he went to push in the drawer, a few pieces of paper scattered onto the floor with some pictures. He bent down and picked them, immediately recognizing them. Sighing he pushed in the drawer and walked over to his desk, sitting down and flicking on the lamp next to him. He then gently proceeded to lie down the papers in a line on the table. Each paper was a faded yellow with some tear stains still remaining encased on them.

_This is me before._

Eggman read the first line on the first paper on the table. There was a faded picture next to it of a lively blue hedgehog. The old doctor cracked a bit of a smile at the playful hedgehog's expression. He was lovely when he was young.

_This is me now._

Eggman looked at the next picture down from the other. That's when his smile faded away slowly as he studied the picture carefully. The picture had an upset looking hedgehog, one who was frustrated and angry looking. It seemed as if although the light in the picture was dark and eerie, illuminating the young hedgehog's face darkly. Anger flamed in his eyes as tears were coming from his eyes down his peach muzzle. The above picture looked _nothing _like the one he was seeing now. A sigh escaped the doctor as he moved his eyes down to the next line.

_Why is life so cruel? _

That was something the doctor or the hedgehog in the picture both couldn't understand.

_Why do bad things happen to those who do good?_

_Is it me, or if life a series of events that fuck you up because you're not normal? _

_Is life supposed to suck dick like this? _

_I wanted peace._

_I wanted love._

_All I got was a fucking stab in the back, over and over and over._

_If only*Tearstain messing up some of the sentence*said yes._

_She hurt me._

_They all hurt me._

_I hate life._

_I hate myself._

_I hate everything._

Eggman then continued onto the next page and started to read the fine print of this one. His fingers were shaking a bit, but his sight was still sharp enough to read.

_To whom it may concern,_

_It's in my worst interest to attempt such actions against my life. But I apologize. I am hurt too badly. All my attempts at love, truth, honesty, all wasted. I had just proposed to Sally not even a few days ago and she went and told me, 'Sonic, I don't honestly think I want to spend the rest of my life with….you.' She broke my heart into a million shattered pieces. As if everything weren't bad enough, she was cheating on me with Monkey Khan. Go fucking figure. I should've seen it coming from a mile long, but I was too ignorant, arrogant, to notice the flaw. It's too bad because I loved Sally. And yet, no one loves me back. My best friend, Tails, told me to just go, to leave him alone. He didn't want me to be a part of his life anymore, so I left. The last time I spoke with him was three weeks ago. I miss him and Sally. Now don't even get me started on the rest of the Freedom Fighters. They're all in a happiness preparing for Sally's upcoming wedding this evening. How fun, eh? It's not fun every time they keep going on and on about it when your around. Bunnie, Antoine, and Amy have been ignoring me like I wasn't even there. Those bastards don't care about me. At least Rotor had the decency to ask me how I was doing every time I walked by him or met up with him. Aurora bless his soul. He'll always be kind no matter what. As for everyone else, they could go burn in the fiery pits of hell! NO! HELL IS TOO EASY FOR THEM! Uck! This depression, it just hurts so much…why? Why won't it go away? I take pills for it, nothing will help! I'm just glad I'm making the descion to end it all today. While Sally says, 'I do!' I'll be whispering, 'Goodbye.' Irony and karma, it's a bitch, isn't it? Oh and how much I wanted to apologize to my enemies for everything I've done. Right now, I don't feel so bad about them all getting hurt now. I'm starting to have some respect for evil, since it's the only thing there is in this cruel, dark world anymore. And I want Eggman to have this letter because he's the only one I can trust with this. I've grown to respect him and I hope he does one day accomplish his dream of ruling the world. And maybe the first thing he'll do is kill each and every one of them….do me a favor on my behalf, per say. But oh well, I highly doubt ANYONE will read this, it's not like they have the time. So goodbye to everyone who did give a fuck._

_Signed in a hatred of Mobius,_

_~Sonic _

Eggman had finished reading and heaved a long, dreadful sigh. Every time he read this, his heart stopped in the middle of each word. He was holding back the remorse and the tears starting to well up in his eyes. He could've and should've done something back then, but he was far too lazy to act upon it. He could even remember back to the very first time he had heard of Sonic's death. Eggman was horribly shocked, especially when he had gotten a letter sent to him asking he be present for Sonic's funeral.

Eggman had read the letter over and over and over, trying to see if it was a trap of not. Everything was so legitimately written, even the exact moment of his death. They had even gotten the king to sign it. Something was up that day and he knew it. So being the somewhat respectful doctor he was he had attended. Though he never exactly enjoyed it like many would've thought him to. It was too sad and gloomy. No one spoke or even dared to look up from their seats. But the one and only thing that Eggman was furious about, even though he shouldn't have given a care bout, was that his own friends he grew up weren't anywhere to be seen. Rotor and Tails were the only two who had shown up, full of remorse and utter sorrow. Everyone was quiet that day, especially Eggman. For once in his life he had actually felt bad for Sonic.

And if he could, he would go back and prevent it all from ever happening.


	2. Chapter 1 : Back In The Day

_Chapter One_

_Memories_

**Sir! Sir!**

Eggman was tweaking his last robot when he had just heard Orbot running into the lab screaming his bolts off. He quickly spun around and stared at the spherical robot, confused.

"What is it now?" Eggman asked with gritted teeth. He was almost finishing up his last robot to defeat Sonic once and for all when Orbot shook an envelope in his face. The doctor looked down at him and quickly grasped the envelope from Orbot's hand.

**Sir, I…I would take your time-**

"YOU OPENED IT!"

**But sir…please read it carefully.**

Irritated beyond belief, Eggman slid out the fancy paper and opened it up, scanning over it quickly.

"Blah blah death blah blah Sonic and his funeral blah bl- Hold on! What? Sonic's….Sonic's dead?"

**According to the paper he is. Rumor has it he killed himself….took a knife and-**

"I honestly don't want to know…Please don't explain it in further detail…I just…I can't believe this!"

Eggman had re read the paper over and over. It explained that Sonic had been dead at exactly yesterday at three. Three forty-five to be exact. And Sally's wedding was scheduled for four. How odd.

**You're not going, are you? Sir?**

Eggman didn't respond. He slowly slipped the paper back into the envelope and turned back to his robot. His hands were shakingly putting pieces in places and he slowly stopped, only to stand against the table.

**S-Sir?**

"Orbot…please, go away. I just need time to think some things over. No, I might not be going, yes I might. I have no idea. I'm just so confused….so, so confused." Orbot silently nodded and left the lab before the doctor could say more. How could this all happen? So quickly? But he was building this robot….to _destroy_ Sonic. Why was Sonic already dead?

**A day earlier**

Sonic had been sitting on his bead pondering the whole situation. Today was the day Sally was…well…_getting married_. Oh no, not married to _him_, but to Monkey Khan. The one who had stolen her heart and made her cheat on Sonic.

"I have no more to love for…" Sonic whispered through clenched teeth. He couldn't take it anymore. The depression only got far, far worse than expected or wanted. Everyone kept staring at him like he was nothing. No one asked him if he was okay, no one cared. His own mother keeps saying, 'You'll get over it. You just need time…time…"

Time.

He's been waiting for a long time. Nothing ever happened. He waited for Sally to apologize, for Khan to leave, for Eggman to stop his fights, for everything. Nothing ever happened like he wanted. Nothing was going his way. And it was hard. It was real hard having to live with the very people that disrespect you and hate you. Why did he of all people have to go through this? It wasn't fair nothing was fair. Nothing.

"Sonic, we're getting for the wedding," His mother said slowly opening the door. "You know you were invited, but you don't have to go sweetie." Sonic smiled innocently.

"I know, I have…_other_ plans for today, Mom." His mother smiled brightly. How happy she always was.

"Alright, just make sure you get in sleep."

"Oh don't worry Mom, I'll be sleeping for a _long_ time…" His mother nodded and left the room, shutting the door slowly behind him. His smile quickly faded and he made a low hiss at how people can pretend to be so innocent so easily. He hated the thought of looking innocent and seeming nice and like an idiot.

"Now let's see…hmmm it's already three forty-three…I wonder if I have something good to take my pain away…I'm finishing this," Sonic said slamming his alarm clock on the floor. He quickly paced into the bathroom and searched around for pills or something. Then he saw a razor blade lying perfect next to the tub.

"Hello, relief…" Sonic had picked up the razor blade and smiled looking at his reflection on its smooth frame. It was sharp, just sharp enough.

**Four Days Later**

Everyone was gathered for the funeral. It was so eerie and quiet there in the small area of the city were many were gathered.

Eggman was in the back, staying away from most of the crowd, avoiding any Freedom Fighters who might get suspicious. Cubot and Orbot were next to him; Cubot crying his mechanical cowboy tears. Neither of them really spoke and soon the sermon and other things started. Something was off to Eggman and he looked around trying to find what.

''Orbot," Eggman whispered. "Do you notice something off?" The robot looked up to him and shrugged. Everything seemed normal, other than the dead hedgehog. But what could it have been.

**Perhaps it's that the rest of the Freedom Fighters aren't here. I only see Miles and Rotor present.**

Eggman just also noticed. Antoine, Bunnie, Sally, and not even_ Amy_ was there. Why wouldn't they attend something as horrible as this? Didn't they care about Sonic? Was this why he killed himself? So many thoughts were racing through his mind as the funeral came to an end and everyone left.

They were already heading back to the base, all of them sad. Eggman had seen how sad Sonic was just lying motionless there. He looked as if he were in pain, shock, and mere depression. His whole body was scrawny and terrible looking from hurt and rage. But when he had seen his face, he couldn't help but feel guilty of the hedgehog.

And he'll never forget that face.


	3. Chapter 2 : Thirty Steps Back Part One

**Chapter 2**

**30 Steps Back**

Eggman had just woken up from a nightmare covered in sweat and absolute fear. The moon was up in the midnight sky, illuminating down in his window throughout the whole room. Nothing made a sound except for the occasional gasping of the older doctor was terrified of the horrible images he had just reenacted from years before. It was the same dream as before, starting out with the destruction of Knothole, the death of Sonic, the loneliness he went through. Everything was coming back to him like a giant storm wrecking against a defenseless city. It wasn't fair he had to go through these every night.

"I need something to take my mind off of all this," Eggman said walking into his kitchen heading for his fridge. Once he had gotten there, he had taken out his favorite soda, Dr. Pepper and silently drank it alone. Alone, like every other day and night. Just the mere thought of having no one or anything to have affection towards made the doctor feel jealous and guilty of himself and others. Whenever he had gone out to get things from the store for food for the week, he would always see families together or people happy. He was disgusted at it, how peaceful they all were now since he retired. If only they had to experience his pain.

"This isn't doing as planned," Eggman sighed half-heartedly. How in the seven hells was he ever going to calm down? He's been doing this for more than thirty years; drinking soda till he was high off of sugar and had a meltdown to sleep. It got really annoying after a while to only drink and eat, then crash on the couch to have a sleep filled night.

"If only I were younger…" He thought a loud as he had lied down on the couch. "I would go back and change everything. I would make sure I retired early, I found a nice person, and even made sure Sonic was okay. Why I care now is beyond me, but it's still worth a shot. Now, here we go with me talking to myself. I really am lonely, aren't I? Well it's not like the walls are going to respond….or are they? Hmm" Eggman turned around to look at the walls, only to find a bunch of wall paper full of old designs on it.

"Of course not, even the walls think I'm insane. Wait, why do I care what the walls think? Why am I even thinking about walls? This isn't Wal-Mart!" Eggman petted his mustache in thought at something. Not only did he make a pun, but he also got a great idea. What if he could go back to the past? Surely there's something he can make or buy?

"Maybe if I check out those old books about time travel and stuff," He said standing to his feet and walking over to an old bookshelf located just beyond the computer area. There he could likely find something worth his time. If not, there was always the public library. That's it the library! Hadn't there been something about that place with that nice old lady he would usually associate with? Maybe he could ask her on a few book recommendations. If she didn't know any, he could just simply socialize.

"Yes the library…I think I'll head there and check it out," Eggman said cheerfully as he grabbed his coat and left quickly out the door. He'd better get there if she was still there this early. Usually she stayed there real early and it was already six in the morning.

**XxX**

"I'm sorry; I don't think we have any books available for what you're looking for." Today, a younger looking woman was standing around shuffling the books through the shelves. She had beautiful long brown hair and seemed to be in her late 20's, someone the doctor wouldn't have found interest in.

"Oh my then, well just forget I ever mentioned it then. Oh and by the way, have you seen the nice old woman that used to work here anywhere?" The younger girl's eyes shifted gaze over towards another shelf sadly.

"My grandmother? She died last night. This whole place was hers…it was the thing she would always put first. She loved to read." Eggman didn't exactly know how to respond. He knew death was a horrible, horrible thing.

"I'm sorry about bringing it up. I know how you feel. I lost someone close to me also a long while back."

"You did?" She looked back up to the old doctor with wide eyes.

"Yes, I did. A very long time ago someone close to me had died from suicide. I don't know why they would ever imagine doing it, taking their life in ignorance. Every day I think about them. I sure wish I could make it up to them." The younger librarian acted as if she understood in a light nod.

"And you're looking for books on time travel to go back and prevent the person from doing it? Ha, I love the spirit. But to be honest, there's only one true way to go back in time. And that's if you used the Time Stones." Eggman's expression fell curious as she continued on.

"My grandmother spoke of them as ancient stones used by gods to travel time. They used to harbor the Floating Island, but after they were tampered with, someone, I think a young squirrel, had hidden them in the old city of- Oh what was it again?" The doctor immediately found out who it was.

"The princess? You mean she put them in Knothole?" The younger librarian nodded.

"Yes I think that's where they were. Some place around there. How did you know what I meant by that?"

"Well there's one squirrel who I knew that would be the only one to find something as priceless as those. And that's princess Sally Acorn."

**XxX**

Eggman and the younger librarian whose name was Lily, had traveled past a few trees down into the Great Forest. They were making their way towards Knothole, the now abandoned haven that had been burned to the ground so long ago by the doctor in his younger times. Lily, who's Grandmother had talked about Knothole so much, had a secret hidden map in the back of the library where the stones might have been located. It was as if she had planned that one day the stones would be needed.

"Alright, right around here should be a tree stump or something we can shoot down and-"

"You mean this slide?" Lily had pointed to a small chute in the ground under an opened tree stump. Eggman scratched his head in disbelief.

"Sure you've never been here before?" He asked as she started to sit in the slide.

"Not once, but it was kind of obvious," Lily laughed as she slid down into a dark, abandoned headquarters of sort. Eggman had slid down after her, and stood up shaking off a cobweb or two.

"Looks like they let the place go…" He mumbled quietly. It's been nearly 30 years since it was probably used last and the Freedom Fighters were separated for sure. Maybe they just forgot about the place.

"Now this map says there should be a place outside where we can find them located. We just need to step outside, go north for a mile and a half and then there should be a large tree where a box is buried underneath. Let's go that way!" Before Eggman could object, the younger girl grabbed the older doctor and ran outside, heading north towards their destination. If only he had explained that most of the trees were burned down….

And then they came across a large, oak tree. It was just standing there, like nothing ever happened. Maybe it had grown back over after so long. As the doctor was about to lean down and start digging for the supposed box, Lily had gotten down and dug herself. Soon before she got any lower, a loud crack was heard and she pulled out a small wooden box.

"Here it is. The time stones box!" She quickly pulled out two golden stones and handed it to the doctor.

"There you are. Just think of a location and you're off!" He was full of disbelief. Was this all really happening, so quickly?

"I…I…thank you so much, Lily. Are you sure you don't want to use them instead and go back to find your grandmother?" But Lily only shook her head.

"No, you need them more. Plus, I could never leave and go off on an adventure. You're the type that seems to enjoy that kind of stuff. Now go on ahead…I must be off now to reopen the library. Good luck," Lily had said, waving a quick good bye before running off. Was this all true? Time had flown by so fast; the doctor was confused whether he should go back or not. Did he need anything? Would he be alright? So many things ran through his head at the moment.

"Think of a location and you're off," he repeated Lily's words in his head over and over. How far did he exactly want to go back? What if he went _all_ the way back, to the _Great War_? He would have the chance to fix everything wronged and kill anyone in his way, he could finally rule over Mobius! Or better yet, what if he went to the time Sonic was roboticized? He could just go to Knothole with Sonic and destroy them all. But it was too bad….

Because Eggman had already thought himself back thirty years.


	4. Chapter 3 : Miss Me?

**Chapter 3**

Sonic clearly hadn't planned any of this and surely wouldn't have expected this. Slowly, he slid open the neatly wrapped enveloped to pull out a white golden-encrusted card. Skimming through the lines was all he could do. Every word he read silently to himself.

There was to be a public wedding held between Princess Sally Alicia Acorn and…him.

Khan.

Sonic had known Ken Khan for quite some time and has understood his affection towards the princess. In the past, Khan had swooned over the princess and found her beauty to be astonishing. Of course, Sonic _had_ to get in the middle of it and let Ken know that the princess he was currently in complete adorn over already had a boyfriend. But that wouldn't stop the monkey. He was determined to get that girl no matter what. But after the war and everything else, Sonic had already proclaimed her as his own love. But what happened?

The Iron Queen happened. The Death Egg's reappearance happened. Sally getting roboticized happened. Everything flew in his face and quite literally he had enough with the beatings of mental and psychical torture from his enemies and even his friends. It wasn't fair to him, but it had to mean something. Maybe he didn't _deserve_ Sally.

Maybe he didn't deserve to live.

But ignoring the constant thought of well…that…he decided to maybe go outside for once and get some fresh air. It had been forever since he's last been outside of his house after the victory of beating Naugus and Eggman. But then again, he kind of did miss fighting and being congratulated by everyone. Maybe a visit to Eggman's base to go snooping around would be just what he needed. Slinging the card on the bed, he put on his sneakers and ran out of the door without even leaving the slightest hint he left.

The card had lied open on the bed reading 'In holy matrimony on the 265th day of this year…'

That gave him three days.

**XxXx**

**Sir.**

**…**

**Sir.**

**…**

**DOCTOR!**

''What?'' Eggman's eyes slowly slid open as he took in his surroundings. A red robot was right at his side staring at him with an angered expression. Funny he should say 'expression'. Robots shouldn't even have emotions, let alone expressions.

"Orbot?" The doctor's eyes suddenly widened. He was back. He had to be! Everything started to come back to him. He felt lighter and more…alive.

**Yes, sir? I am here to attend to your needs. You were asleep for about 36 hours. Don't mind me inquiring, but have you slipped and bumped your head? **Eggman had to laugh at that one.

"No my boy! I'm young again!" Orbot had given his master the most confused robotic face he could possibly manage. Eggman on the other hand danced around like his usual crazy self, grabbing the red robot and swinging him around.

"Tell me! Am I home?!'' Orbot shuddered and nodded. Just about as the robot was about to respond, an alarm wailed for everyone to get into their battle stations. Something was wrong. The large man's attention was turned to a nearby monitor stuck onto the wall. A blue gust of wind passed by different cameras, finally stopping at the end of the hallway where two large Eggpawns were standing guard.

"Sonic," Eggman whispered to himself. He had noticed how different the hedgehog seemed. Sonic was, alive. Something so unfamiliar to the doctor as of now. He couldn't just let these robots destroy him now, he needed to see him and speak to him!

**S-Sir! We should head somewhere safe before he finds out we're still here! And-and if he sees us we're going to-**

"Orbot, shut up!"

**But sir-**

"I said to shut up! You're not running this chance!" Eggman roared, grabbing the red spherical nuisance. Opening the nearby storage closet, he threw him in there and locked it. If he was going to get to Sonic, he'd have to do it now. Quickly going up to the control panel under the monitor he pressed a yellow button and was about to speak into it when he noticed…

Sonic was gone and the robots were destroyed.

"What?" He said in disbelief. The hedgehog destroyed them that quickly? But how?

"Miss me, Doc?"

Eggman turned his head to see the blue, somewhat beat up looking hedgehog standing in his doorway with the door completely broken off of its metal hinge. How could he have possibly not heard that? He must've been too busy thinking to even notice anything going on around him. Which, wasn't that surprising. Eggman was always more of the 'do and nearly die-but-don't-die' type of guy. But the hedgehog wasn't just going to let the doctor stand there silently. He asked again,

"Missed me at all, Eggy?"

"You have no idea."

**XxXx**

**Yo guys and gals! BZ (Breathe Zenka, lol like the abbreviation?) here! Sorry so much for the wait but with school and everything getting in the way I got held back. So I apologize, but all my stories are going to of course start up again. That and I'll be doing some refreshing and editing since I'm not 100% satisfied with my past works. Yes, it's a short chapter but I wanted to get this in. So yeah, I'm bad at summarys….but I do hope to update more often! XD Yep, that's pretty much it for now…enjoy and toodles! Also don't worry, there's MUCH more to come!**


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